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I really don’t know how to say this any other way. My dog decided to talk to me the other night and he had a lot to say.
It initially played like any other night really. Once again, I was tossing and turning, in and out of sleep. I was half awake, mulling over my job situation: I want to make money writing but I need an income more. Then the most bizarre thing happened.
“Hey human Bob! This is your best friend speaking! Wake up!”
Who the hell was that? It was a deep, low voice; strong and certain with a hint of a bourbon induced slur. Sounded like Dean Martin actually. I immediately sat up. It was pitch black. The radio clock blurred 3:53 in a dull crimson light. All I could make out was the shadowy outline of Parker, my trusty beagle, sitting upright at my feet.
“Hey boy, did you hear that?” I whispered instinctively. “Someone’s in the house.”
My vision was starting to warm up to the darkness. Parker just stared back at me, his head tilted, his long ears hanging to the side of his head like hand towels on a wall. He turned his head to the bedroom doorway, lifted his nose to the night and sniffed. He turned back to face me.
“Don’t think so.”
I swore Parker spoke but it couldn’t be. I mean his hound drawn lips seemed to move to the words I heard but that was impossible.
“Who’s there?” I yelled into the night. “Whoever it is, I am warning you that I am at this moment retrieving my loaded double-barrel twelve gauge from under the bed. I will shoot you. So leave now and I want to hear the door slam behind you.”
I made some dumb noises in a lame attempt to fool the intruder into believing what I had just proclaimed. I took the ruse to the next level.
“Okay. I’m fully armed and about to call 911 from my fully powered cell phone. Oh yeah, strong signal, four bars. Oh yeah, this is going to be a very clear 911 call.”
“You’re breaking me up. Put the phone down human Bob.”
It was Parker talking. I was certain of it. Nah, it had to be a sick trick.
“Okay, good one Steve. You wired up the dog with a little speaker. Very funny.”
My brother Steve was known to go to great lengths to pull off pranks. But I was pretty sure he was at his apartment in the city, sixty miles away, God knows doing what, and at 48 years old, unlikely to suddenly bother me with a prank—it had been 25 years since his last one. But the mind scrambles to the most implausible scenarios when so duly challenged.
“Don’t think so. Nope it’s me, Parker,” the dog mumbled.
I was positive he spoke again. By now I was sitting straight up, leaning towards him. He just sat there and looked at me with those big dark eyes. His poker face was on.
“Parker? Are you talking to me?”
“Well I’m not talking to myself.”
I leaned back against the headboard. He yawned.
“This can’t be. I’ve got to stop watching Animal Planet.”
“Listen, I’ve got something to say and I’m not sure how long this talking stuff is going to work so …”
“You are talking!” I interrupted incredulously.
“Should you want I bow wow?”
“Holy cow! Parker you are talking.”
“Yup. But I’m not sure for how long. So can I say a few things before …”
“I can’t believe this.”
“Yeah I know. Either can I but if you don’t mind.”
I looked at him with a giant smile plastered across my face. Parker can talk. The dog was talking. Who was I kidding? It had to be a prank. He continued.
“I’ve been listening to a lot of that talk radio and that C-SPAN channel you watch while you write. I’m here to tell ya I don’t like what I’m hearing.”
“You’re kidding me right?”
“Afraid not.”
Oh this was good. I was really hallucinating. Talk-shmalk, I had a few nagging questions of my own.
“Hey, can I ask you something before you get to your stuff?”
“Make it quick. I haven’t got all night.”
“You like smell things a hundred times more than we do, right?”
“Four hundred.”
“Okay, four hundred. Wow! Then I really wonder about this.”
“Yeah I know. Why do we like to sniff every morsel of excrement or yellow patch of urine we encounter on our walks?”
“Now that you bring it up, yeah, why? It must smell like the inside of Dick Cheney’s or Ted Kennedy’s septic tank? And you know how much crap they’re filled with.”
“That was a funny one human Bob. But it isn’t like what you smell. We pick up a lot more notes. It’s a broader pallet if you will. We don’t smell stink. We smell identity, mood, and illness. For instance, you know that crazy cairn terrier down the street?”
“Yeah.”
“She has stomach cancer and her humans don’t have a clue.”
“You are kidding me?”
“She probably has less than six months if they don’t get her to a vet soon.” He paused to lick his right front paw. “Yeah, and another thing. Don’t take me out at nights for awhile.”
“Why?”
“Cause there is a rabid possum living under the porch. That’s why.”
“You know this from the smell of possum poop?”
“Excrement.”
“Whatever.”
“Yup.” Parker yawned as if bored. “So is that it? Can I say what I need to say?”
“Well there is that thing you do with that licking your, you know, your …”
“Penis?”
“Well, yeah.”
“Jealous are we?”
“Well, it’s just that …”
“It’s all about keeping clean. Nothing pleasurable if that’s what you’re driving at. Nothing like what you do with your hand. By the way, I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t pet me afterwards. Nope, no pleasure; it’s all business. You made sure of that when you had me “fixed”, remember. Thank you very much.”
“Oh yeah, sorry about that. I had no idea you knew any different.”
“No idea my butt. I’ll ‘no idea’ ya.” He paused again to lick his right paw again and then continued. “But I don’t hold it against you. We don’t hold grudges. Heck, if we did, we would have mauled most humans dead by now. Which brings me to why I am talking to you.”
“No grudges. Really? I mean that “fixing” stuff is pretty serious. That’s pretty good if that doesn’t bother you.”
“You done? Can I get to my concern?”
“Sure. Sorry. Go ahead.”
“How can humans be so smart supposedly, while they single handedly are destroying the Earth?”
“You mean global warming?”
“It’s more than that. It’s the air. It’s the water. It’s the dirt. It’s the forests. It’s the killing. It’s the anger. It’s the hate. It’s the grudges. It’s the fear. It’s everything.”
“Oh come on. You’re being a little dramatic.”
“We don’t know dramatic.”
“Well give me examples of what you mean.”
“First of all, the air is filled with danger. Dogs, cats, birds, animals of all kinds can smell it. It is our biggest topic when we get together.”
“I don’t smell a thing.”
“Yeah, that’s part of the problem. And you can’t taste the troubled water either.”
“Scientists don’t seem to be complaining. So I should be listening to a dog?”
“We have no agenda. Dogs call it as they smell it.”
“ ‘call it as they smell it’; I’m suppose to just accept that?”
“Yeah, there is a lot you should just accept.”
“Oh yeah, like what else?”
“Well, and here is what I think is the crux of the problem, you keep choosing the wrong alpha humans.”
“What?”
“You’ve got this alpha thing all wrong. Just because animals order their packs based on physical size and strength doesn’t make it so for humans. We do it because we are simple. You do it because you are thoughtless. That’s what we, and I think it is fair to say I am speaking for all animals, don’t get. Humans are able to think things through. But they never do. Well, that’s not completely true; some have but they are mocked or marginalized.
An alpha dog barks and gets all puffy, like that wacky shepherd Sarge from around the block. The worst he can do is break out of his electronic fence and charge one of us. But you humans take it up a notch.”
“Can you give me a for instance?”
“God there are so many. Let me see. Okay, you’ve elected a president who pounds his chest and walks around like a gorilla with its arms all out to the side, all tough and all, carrying on with ‘bring it on’. When he jumps the fence, he brings tanks and bombs and humans loaded down in weapons and in body armor. Meanwhile, you have alpha males all over the place, flexing their muscle in their packs, threatening to obtain nuclear weapons, the great equalizer, giving the president one excuse after another to hop the fence. It’s nuts. And I for one am telling you, you’ve got it all wrong.”
“Well, I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t need to say anything. Just start picking the right alpha humans; humans whose visions see beyond fighting, whose hearts hold no grudges, whose thoughts and reasons are not the products of testosterone, whose collective knowledge is rooted in the concept that true peace is never the consequence of war but the outcome of constant learning, negotiating and adjusting.”
“This is what you want to tell me? Nothin’ for nothin’ but it’s a little heavy for a little chat with a dog at 3:30 in the morning.”
“In a nut shell, yeah.”
It was hard to accept this from my beagle. I mean, he’s a dog; a sleeping, eating, sniffing, crapping dog. I was chalking this whole episode up to stress. I was apparently snapping.
“That’s it. I’m pretty much done. Just one last thing while I have the chance.”
“What? World hunger? String theory?” I asked sarcastically.
“You get the right alpha humans and the world hunger thing will take care of itself, smart ass. As far as string theory, who do you think I am, Hawking? I’m just a dog. No it’s more pedestrian than that, something I think you can manage.”
“Then what, already?” I asked impatiently.
“You know that thing you do occasionally where you empty the dish washer in the buff.”
“Ummm … yeah I guess.”
“Put some clothes on. It’s disturbing. I’m beggin’ ya, please!”
“All right, but only if you lick your privates in private.”
“I’ll see what I can do. No promises.”
“So this is it? No more talking? You know we could make a fortune on Letterman with his stupid pet tricks.”
“It’ll never happen. You see, this is a one time deal. Not sure why or how this is happening. Maybe that God guy is involved somehow. All I know is that when it is done, it is …” He abruptly stopped talking.
“Parker?”
Not a grunt. He yawned and as he did he stretched his front legs out and spread across the foot of the bed, his ears resting flat on the blanket.
“Parker … are you done? Is that it?”
He slowly closed his eyes and floated off to sleep.
“Parker … just like that?”
He began to twitch; in hot pursuit of a fox I imagined.
“Holy smokes. I must be dreaming myself.”
I curled back down under the safety of my covers, scratched my butt and thought about the conversation I had just had with Parker or myself or both. I sniffed the air. It smelled fine to me. What the heck was he talking about, ‘danger in the air’? It had to be a dream.
As I drifted off to sleep, I thought about getting a real job real soon, apparently this writing stuff was getting the best of me. I also made a point to remember to talk to the owners of that crazy cairn terrier. I thought it was the least I could do. One can’t be too dismissive of the unexplainable these days.
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truth about penis enlagement
Most people have certainly been hearing this term, lymphoma, from others. Some hospital-drama television series usually would have an episode where a patient is diagnosed with lymphoma and most of us are just left hanging on what it really is. Suffice it to say that probably, most are aware that it is a kind of cancer. Cancer in what organ or body part? Caused by what? Many people fall short of enough knowledge about this type of cancer. But no worries, they really can't be accused of apathy. Lymphoma is actually a very rare type of cancer so it is understandable that awareness on is not as prevalent as to other cancer types.
Lymphoma is considered as a collective term for a variety of cancer. This cancer type has its origin in the lymphocytes or histiocytes -- very rare from the latter, though. Lymphoma starts in a B cell in lymph nodes. The cancerous cells reproduce themselves over and over again. The presence of these unnecessary cells sets the ground for the formation of cancer. This is because these cells do not die; they are not needed by the body in the first place, and they spread to other areas, causing further harm.
There are five clusters of specific cancer types under the umbrella concept of lymphoma. The World Health Organization grouped these specific cancer types according to their cell types. The first one is the mature B neoplasms. Second is mature T cell and natural killer cell (NK) neoplasms. Third is the immunodeficiency-associated Lymphoproliferative disorders. Fourth is histiocytic and dendritic cell neoplasms. Last is Hodgkin lymphoma or more commonly known as Hodgkin's disease.
The most popular of all is the Hodgkin's disease. It is named after Thomas Hodgkin, who described the disease in 1832. Hodgkin's disease is characterized by the abnormal growth of cancer cells in the lymphatic system. Specifically, the Reed-Sternberg cells are the ones involved in Hodgkin's disease. This disease is very rare that it accounts for only one percent of the total cancer cases or one for every 400,000, at least in America.
The most common symptoms of Hodgkin's disease are swollen, painful or non-painful lymph nodes. The swelling usually occurs at the neck or nape, armpit, or groin. Some systemic symptoms like drastic weight loss, skin itching, low-grade fever, night sweats, and fatigue can also be indicative of a Hodgkin's disease case. Enlargement of the spleen, splenomegaly, and/or enlargement of the liver can also happen. People from the age range of 15 to 34, and above 55 are the ones most susceptible to develop Hodgkin's disease.
Just like the other kinds of cancer, the causes of Hodgkin's disease is still unknown. But the factor most likely to contribute to the development of it is genetics. People who have relatives, distant or immediate, have been inflicted with Hodgkin's disease or other types for that matter, are at a very high risk. A deteriorated or damaged immune system, from a previous ailment or operation, is also a very high risk factor. Gender is believed to play a role, too, since most recorded cases are with men.
Radiation therapy and chemotherapy are the usual treatments for Hodgkin's disease. Radiation therapy is a high technology option, which makes use of high-energy rays capable of damaging cancer cells to stop their growth. This treatment option is administered only in hospitals and clinics, and under the permission of an expert doctor. Radiation therapy is effective for treating cases still on the early stage. A frequency of five therapy sessions in every week for several months is the average treatment period using radiation therapy. Chemotherapy, on the other hand, involves the use of drugs to kill the cancer cells. A combination of different drugs, which can work together, is the usual procedure being given by doctors when using chemotherapy. The drugs can be taken orally, or injected into arteries or even muscles for faster travel inside the body. The most popular drug combination for chemotherapy is the adriamycin, bleomycin, vinblastine, and dacarbazine combination called the ABVD regimen. There is a very high chance that Hodgkin's can be treated, provided that it is detected at an early stage and treated immediately with the most appropriate treatment option. Records have it that early detection and appropriate treatment gives an 85 percent chance of survival and cure.
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1. Ages 8-11
There are few outside signs of development; but inside, ovaries are enlarging and hormone production has started. The preadolescent breast consists of a small, elevated nipple with no significant underlying breast tissue.
2. Ages 8-14 (usually 11-12)
Breast bud stage; elevation of the breast and nipple as a separate small mound; the areola (the area around the nipple) begins to enlarge, and milk ducts inside the breast begin to grow. Girls may grow considerable in height and weight. The first signs of pubic hair start out fine & straight.
3. Ages 9-15 (usually 12-13)
Pubic hair coarsens and becomes darker. A girl's vagina is enlarging and may begin to produce a clear or whitish discharge. Some girls get their first menstrual periods. Enlargement and elevation of the breast and areola (less separation), the areola begins to darken in color, and the milk glands begin to grow.
4. Ages 10-16 (usually13-14)
Pubic hair growth takes on a triangular, but doesn't quite cover the entire pubic area. Underarm hair may begin to appear. Projection of the areola and nipple to form a secondary mound. Ovulation (the release of egg cells) begins in some girls.
5. Ages 12-19 (usually 15)
The final stage of development, breast and pubic hair growth are complete, and your full height is usually attained at this point. Menstrual periods are established, and ovulation occurs monthly. Mature adult breast, projection of the nipple.
For stages of Breast Development please visit http://www.myfirstbra.us/breast_development.htm.
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Do you know what exactly is special about Levitra? It is Vardenafil hydrochloride, a strong molecule with a weight of 488.604 g/mol. As a PDE5 inhibitor, Vardenafil is closely related in both function and marketing to Sildenafil and Tadalafil though; it has a comparatively short effective time with less instances of failure. Those who have Levitra experience, have pointed out that unlike other ED pills, Levitra has worked for them on the very first attempt.
Let’s find out the actual selling points of the ED drug Levitra over its competitors.
The main ingredient of Levitra, Vardenafil hydrochloride is a potent molecule which requires smaller dosage to get into full action. The scientists refer to the molecule as far more stronger than Sildenafil and Tadalafil.
Levitra works wonders for men who had unsatisfactory or failed experience with Viagra. This statement has been confirmed time and again by the result of different research studies.
Vardenafil hydrochloride in Levitra is a boon to the diabetes patients, who are at a greater risk of erectile dysfunction due to uncontrolled sugar in blood that impedes the blood flow to the penis. Levitra has proved to be effective even in tight situations like high blood pressure as well as diabetes type2 when other ED drugs have failed to work.
Levitra’s highest dose of 20 mg is equal to 100 mg maximum dose of Viagra. Now, check out the lowest dose for Viagra, 12.5 mg and compare it to 2.5 mg pill of Levitra, its lowest dose.
Those, who have been hit below the belt, are found to experience fewer side effects compared to other available PDE5 inhibitors. The mild and most common side effects are headaches, nasal congestion, flushing. What is more, with Levitra, you need not worry about your eyes as it has no detrimental side effects on vision. There is another add-on benefit with Levitra; it is less sensitive to food and alcohol, again, giving you ample chance for a romantic dinner with your ladylove while getting ready for the right moment.
The ED Market
Each of the PDE5 inhibitors will have it’s share in the erectile dysfunction market. It seems that Levitra has a promising future ahead, because, Vardenafil hydrochloride is strong enough to give an erection to the diabetics, who are the most easy victims of impotence, therefore considered as a substantial chunk of ED market.
The ever increasing market of erectile dysfunction is experiencing a head-on competition within the trio. For me, the ED market scenario is quite clear! Viagra, Levitra & Cialis, all of them have something special to offer. If Viagra has the longest track record, Cialis has 36 hours of action to offer, while Levitra has come up with effectiveness and gives strong erection to diabetics even with smaller doses.
The ED market giant remains Viagra though, owing to its consistency in performance but Levitra wins in rigid situations like diabetes.
Based on its advantages, Levitra has captured 50% of prescriptions for newly diagnosed erectile dysfunction patients. The MarketWatch report makes it almost clear as water, in spite of Viagra’s strong hold on the market, Bayer recorded a 16% advance in sales of its erectile dysfunction drug, to 73 million euros this year. The figures clearly show that Levitra will not wait for long to defeat its competitors.
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On April 14th of 1945, I was five years old. I came in from playing and was met by my mother who was sobbing. "Your other mother is dead," she said. I felt very sad, but for my adoptive mother. I never knew who my birth-mother was and never even considered the fact that I had another mother somewhere. I later found out that all the records associated with my adoption were supposed to have been sealed. So how could Mom have known that?
I had a little bit of information about my birth. One such fact was that I suffered from hypopladia, "a condition I inherited from my father." It turns out that means that the opening of my penis was at the bottom rather than at the end. Of all the things to inherit! I also knew that I was born at General Hospital in Minneapolis, and that Mom and Dad were listed as the parents.
That was all I knew for more than forty years. Mom died in 1985 and Dad in 1987. I was named executor of his estate. When I went through the papers I found a baptismal record for Richard Allen Hemmingsen, born on my birthday! Three names were listed as witnesses. After fighting with myself for a week I looked one name up in the phone book and called. A woman answered and I asked if Lloyd was there. The woman said he wasn't, but she would have him call me. I never heard from him and in the meantime, my ardor to find my birth family had subsided.
Evie's father died a day after my mother on Christmas Day in 1985. When her mother died in 1987 she decided that she wanted to find out about her birth mother. She didn't have any feelings of betrayal. Nor did I. The laws that sealed the records in the early 1940s had been changed, and it was now possible to contact birth relatives, if both parties agreed to the contact. She wrote a long letter explaining all the things that had happened to her in her life and her views about politics and religion. To her delight, she got a response! Her mother was now living in Michigan and wanted to meet her. They did at the Minneapolis airport. An aunt was with her. In a long conversation, Evie learned that she had two half-sisters, a half-brother, and several aunts and uncles who were all very anxious to meet her. One aunt looked exactly like her. Her siblings were thrilled, and so was the man her birth-mother had married. He was a retired minister and had known about Evie for as long as they were married. We have had a warm relationship with the whole family for nearly twenty years. Unfortunately it has been shrinking because of deaths, but Evie still meets with a favorite aunt at least once a month. Her experiences finding her birth-family became a feature article in the Minneapolis Sunday paper.
My path was a bit different. After Evie connected with her family, I again decided to try to find mine. Lloyd was still unavailable, but there were two other names on the baptismal certificate. I found one of the names in the Minnneapolis phone book. When I called him, he said, "You must be one of Hilma's twins."
I told him that I was born in 1940. No, my uncle said. "The twins were born in 1944."
You can imagine how excited I was to hear that! He said that she had died of internal bleeding one day after giving birth to twin boys. Ironically, my half-sibs were born on the same day as my adoptive sister, but a year later. I found out where Hilma was living when the twins were born and immediately placed a personals ad in the local newspaper asking whether anyone had information about the whereabouts of twin boys born in April of 1944.
No one responded.
In the meantime my new uncle arranged for me to meet with the rest of the family. It was huge; Hilma had had 10 siblings. An aunt threw a potluck lunch and the thirty some relatives all showed up. One was the other signer of the baptismal certificate. I asked her about my twin brothers. "They aren't brothers," she said. "They were a boy and a girl. Everyone called them Jack and Jill."
From that point, everything came together. We were able to locate the adoption agency and they located the adoptive mother. She said that both children were alive and well. Later that night I got a call from my brother, and a few days later, my sister. Bro looks like me, but a bit heavier. We met my sister in Montana and visited Yellowstone Park together. We were both delighted. I have kept in contact with my Minnesota family. I have yet to visit my brother but I get regular letters from my sister.
One of my aunts gave me a photo album of my mother. One, showing her on a bicycle with a friend, looked so much like me that we showed it to one of Evie's buddies. "That's John in a dress," Evie said, smiling. "Oh," said our friend. "Who's that with him?"
My last words are advice for others who may be in our situation. Things don't always work out as well as they did for Evie and me, but if they do, it's like stepping into a different world, the alternative universe you always wondered about.
