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Women's capacity for orgasm is awesome. They can come over and over again, and still be ready for more! This capacity seems almost limitless. They can experience clitoral orgasms, g-spot orgasms, vaginal orgasms, ejaculatory orgasms, blended orgasms, and not only one but multiples of any of these! They've even been blessed with a body part, the clitoris, whose only purpose is sexual pleasure. This may all seem a bit unfair to men who typically reach a precipice, fall over the edge, roll over and go to sleep!
Why is it then that so many women are frustrated rather than satisfied? Why is it that for so many loving couples, the female orgasm remains an elusive dream; one in which she's perhaps become resigned to sex that's pleasurable but not truly satisfying, or even worse, faking it to salvage her partner's ego. If it is really bad perhaps she fakes orgasm just to get the sexual ordeal over with! Or he sadly wonders: What's wrong with me? Why can't I make her come despite stiff fingers and aching tongue? His sexual self-esteem is wounded, and he secretly feels less of a man believing he has failed her.
The first step on the path to freeing a woman's orgasm is for both men and women to understand that men do not give women orgasms. Women allow themselves to have orgasms. Despite popular belief, no matter how good a lover you may be, unless your partner can give herself up to the pleasures of her body, she won't have orgasms. This realization alone can open the door to women becoming orgasmic. It takes the pressure to "perform" off of men, and it frees women to take responsibility for their own sexual fulfillment.
This is very important. If your woman is blaming you, and you may also be blaming yourself for her not having orgasms, it is quite possible, even likely, that you are both looking in the wrong place to solve the problem. Mind you, an unskilled, selfish, or insensitive male lover can be a real problem, and at the very least is certainly a dull bore. And to say that a woman is responsible for her own sexual fulfillment does not mean you revert to a slam-bam-thank-you-ma'am approach to sex and let her fend for herself. After all, the more skilled and attentive a lover is the more pleasure he himself receives, and although you can't give her an orgasm you certainly can help her to have one, or even lots of them. So even though it's not entirely up to you, there is something you can do to help.
The biggest barrier to orgasm for women is mental distraction - thoughts that float into her mind, catching her in her head, and taking her away from what's going on in her body. As soon as she starts thinking, she is out of the moment and will lose touch with her senses and her pleasure. Some of these thoughts may trigger feelings of shame or guilt about experiencing sexual pleasure, for no matter how liberated our attitudes toward sex seem to have become, there yet exists the perception that "good" girls don't! Even today women are divided into categories of "virgin" or "whore". Those who engage lustily in the delights of the body are somehow morally questionable. You can help your delectable partner move beyond these pleasure stifling attitudes by letting her know how much you respect, admire and cherish her fully female sensual self. Tell her often, especially when you're making love, that it thoroughly turns you on to see her let loose the passionate side of her nature.
This is not always easy for men to do. They may have internalized an unconscious conditioning that leads them to accept the rather misogynist belief that women can't be good and pure, and also be fantastic lovers. If they believe this, they are placing themselves in a very unfortunate situation. This belief system inevitably leads to the man selecting one woman for a partner, spouse and mother, and a different partner for an affair or mistress. Adultery is about the only option left to a man who holds such a belief system. The resulting deceit and lying force a separation between the couple and the relationship ends soon enough, for example in breaking up or divorce. In this scenario, the man is at fault and the solution does lie with him. Only a change in his beliefs will solve this problem.
Sexual abuse is a horror and curse that is unbelievably common in our society. Women that have been sexually abused often have great difficulty in allowing themselves to trust their lover, let go into the sensual moment, and surrender to sexual ecstasy. If your lady is having difficulty experiencing orgasm; if you are a reasonably skilled lover; and if you have communicated to her that you honestly wish her to fully awaken as a sexual partner, then the problem could be some psychological damage from sexual abuse. Ask her about this with the greatest tenderness and caring that you are capable of. Be aware that many women actually blame themselves for their own sexual abuse, so this can be the touchiest of all possible subjects for discussion. If sexual abuse is an issue, it is advisable to encourage her to seek professional counseling or some other form of help.
Besides worrying about whether they are "bad" if they really enjoy and want sex "a lot", many women worry about enjoying sex the right way. They worry about how they look, smell and taste. They worry that the cellulite in their upper thighs or the slight bulge of tummy fat may quiver unattractively. They worry about being "clean down there". They worry about how long it takes to reach climax, how much time their man has to spend stroking, licking, and caressing to help them fly over the mountain. All of these thoughts take them out of lovemaking. To help her stay in the pleasures of her body tell her with words and sounds and looks that you adore her, you love to devour her with your tongue, you could keep on touching her forever, it's a delight to you to give her pleasure. And mean it, because if you haven't learned how to enjoy pleasuring your partner, pretty soon you won't have one!
Once she's able to relax into the joys of lovemaking and focus on the exquisite sensations her body can feel rather than listening to the demon distractors her mind can conjure up, a woman's path to orgasm is much clearer. With particular loving skills of your own you can assist her to break that path wide open.
Most men enjoy having their genitals touched at any time, whether they're sexually aroused or not. This isn't usually the case with women. Think of the vagina as a "potential" opening, a magical door that will happily open wide to receive you, but only after you've called ahead to ensure your welcome. Be certain she's eager for your genital explorations by focusing loving attention on other parts of her body first - lots of kissing, neck nuzzling, tender strokes on back, shoulders and arms, then adoring caresses of her breasts. Only after you sense she's ready, through signs like rapid breathing, flushed skin, hardened nipples or enticing moans should you move to her vagina. Once your hand or mouth is at her sweet honey pot begin to explore it from the outside inward - outer lips, clitoris, inner lips, vaginal canal.
Generally women reach orgasm most easily through clitoral stimulation. The clitoris is extremely sensitive to touch of all kinds. Often the head of the clitoris, the pointed tip, is too sensitive for much direct pressure, so focus your attention on the sides. Touch around the clitoris instead of right on it, at least until her level of excitement increases. The skin tissue of your fingers is not nearly as sensitive as the tissue around her clitoris. But the tissue of your mouth and tongue is an almost perfect match in sensitivity. Unless you are more highly skilled in using your fingers, it is a much safer way to start by using your mouth for oral stimulation of the clitoris. Experiment with different pressures, strokes and speeds. Ask her which ones she likes best. A good way to do this is to try two different touches, then ask her if she likes "a" or "b" better.
If she's willing, invite her to masturbate for you so you can learn exactly how she likes to be touched. Many women are shy to do this at first but with some gentle encouragement she may really show her wanton self. It can be a great turn-on for both of you. Many men are actually quite frightened by a woman who is fully sexually awakened. They may doubt their own ability as a man to keep up, or to be able to perform adequately. They may fear that if she is too much woman sexually for him, that she may go elsewhere and find what she wants. It may help you to overcome this fear if you remember that you are not responsible for giving your lady sexual satisfaction. She must do that for herself. But if this fear is very strong, you may seek counseling help to deal with it.
When you do find a particular stroke or caress that is really driving her wild, keep doing it and keep doing it and keep doing it. Don't change anything about it. Don't go faster, slower, softer, harder, or switch direction. Keep doing exactly the same thing until she lets you know she wants a change either through words or body movement. This holds true whether you're pleasuring her clitorally or vaginally with your fingers or your mouth. Keep going even if your hands or mouth get really tired!
It's a good idea to wait until she is very aroused before entering her vagina either with your fingers or your penis. Generally if she's not wet, she's not ready. It's as simple as that. If your lover doesn't have a lot of natural vaginal juices even when she is fully aroused be sure to use a good silicone or water-based lubricant. Nothing can be a quicker turn-off than rough, dry skin rubbing on soft vaginal tissues. Water-based or silicone lubricant is better because oil can clog the sensitive vaginal tissue.
The most sensitive part of a woman's vaginal canal is the first inch to two inches. It's here that most of the nerve endings are located, so when you first enter her concentrate most of your attention there. The elusive g-spot can usually be found in this general area, on the top of the vaginal wall, a couple of inches in. Imagine a glass lying on the floor. If you reach your first two fingers into the glass at the top, i.e., toward the ceiling rather than the bottom towards the floor, you should find it. It is difficult to reach the g-spot through intercourse, so you will find it much easier with you fingers than with your penis. There are also some interesting dildos and vibrators with just the right shape to reach the G-spot. Move your index finger or your first two fingers in a "come hither" motion (as if you were asking someone from across the room to come over to where you are) and gently stroke her. When you touch her g-spot you may notice a more bumpy or raised area of skin, but you may not. The best way to know you've found this highly intense love spot is by her reaction. Where you look is not quite as important as when you look. Unless she is excited through and through, perhaps from a clitoral orgasm beforehand, it can be difficult to find the g-spot.
Stimulation of the g-spot can produce extraordinarily intense orgasms. As a woman is approaching a g-spot orgasm she may feel she has to urinate. This may immediately cause her to tighten up, stop, and pull back from the edge of bliss. If she can stay relaxed and keep going through that "have-to-pee" sensation it will pass and move on into deep waves of sexual delight. The woman should urinate before intercourse begins, so she can be more confident that the feeling that she has to urinate is a misleading feeling and can be safely ignored.
For most women it is difficult to reach a climax through intercourse alone. This is because the sensitive clitoris isn't easily stimulated just by thrusting motions; the g-spot is difficult to reach with even a fully erect penis; and because often the male partner goes over the edge into ejaculatory orgasm before the woman has had enough action to bring her to the heights. If you touch her clitoris before and during intercourse, and if you've pleasured her vaginally by touching the g-spot with your fingers, the chances are much better that she will have a deep vaginal orgasm while your penis is inside her.
Learn the strokes that turn her on. Tell her how fabulous it is that she's sensual and sexual. Let her know you adore her body and love to touch and kiss it for hours. Help her forget about trying to make orgasm happen and focus instead on thoroughly enjoying every moment of lovemaking. If you awaken your multi-orgasmic woman you are going to like it!
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The G-spot is a highly erogenous zone inside the vagina. It was discovered in 1950 by the gynaecologist Ernst Grafenberg.
For a while not many people actually believed the G-spot existed. Then in 1978 a book called “The G Spot “ by Alice K. Ladas, Beverly Whipple and John D. Perry was published. This confirmed existence of the G-spot. Today sexologists believe every woman has a G-spot.
It is thought that the G-spot is either a bundle of nerves coming from the clitoris or a gland or series of glands that produces lubrication. It is also thought to be analogous to the prostate gland in men. When unstimulated the G-spot is about the size of a bean. When your lover is aroused it becomes more pronounced.
The G-spot is located behind the pubic bone within the front wall of the vagina, about two to three inches deep. The important thing to note is that the G-spot responds to pressure, not just touch.
Because the G-spot is close to the bladder stimulating the G-spot may result in a feeling of needing to urinate. This feeling my last anywhere from a few seconds to up to thirty seconds.
Here are some sexual positions that are good for G-spot stimulation.
Doggy style
This is a good position as the head of the penis is pointed directly at the G-spot.
Lap
While sitting on the edge of a couch or a bed have your lover sit on your lap, facing you. Her legs should be either wrapped around your waist.
Standing with her lying down
Stand facing a bed, desk, or something similar. Have your lover lie down in front of you. Her pelvis should be about one foot lower than yours. Place your lover’s feet on your shoulders. Now have her tilt her pelvis so it forms a straight line where your crotches meet. Put your hands underneath her buttocks so you can hold her at that angle.
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Maureen Dowd was on Imus the other morning plugging her new book, “Are Men Necessary”; a book I plan to buy so I can get some slightly demented insight into the mind of a troubled woman. During the interview, Imus and his sidekick Charles challenged Ms. Dowd about a female perception she had just suggested that all heterosexual men froth at the mouth at the mere mention of a trip to a strip club or the possibility of a cat fight or the chance two women might lock in lesbian love making. Imus proclaimed that he, even amidst the weakness of lowly cocaine induced comas and vodka fed stupors, never stepped inside a topless joint. Charles nodded his head in brotherhood like the bobble-head doll he is sometimes. Their point being, not all men are beasts; that some have evolved above such shameful sexual servitude.
A couple of things.
First, Imus and Charles are probably lying through their coffee stained teeth about visiting strip clubs.
Second, I have frequented such establishments years ago. I eventually concluded that go-go bars are places where prematurely balding, man-boobed, middle aged business men hire enterprising young shapely women, forming a convenient unholy alliance of distrust to tap into the cash cow created when injured fragile male egos are deceived by alcohol induced sexual fantasy. All the females need to do is squirm provocatively while whispering real sweet nothings into customers’ hair filled ears. And if carried out correctly, the dollars shoot out of the slobbering stooges like ATMs in gleeful male orgasm. Make no mistake about it; the dancer is always in control of the patron. And when she is not, she moves on to the next penis clad cash machine. The only cost to her is to turnover some obscene percentage of the take to her sleazy male boss. It’s a business after all, and business is still a male dominated endeavor.
Third, if one has ever listened to Imus for more than an hour, one knows he and his cronies takes delight in sexually stereotyping and demeaning women. This idea that Charles and he are better than that is all part of the act.
For instance, a few minutes further into the same interview, Imus commented on the “balls” it took for Maureen Dowd to write a particular op-ed piece about Judith Miller—a remark that she quickly and graciously accepted with a simple and sweet, “thank you”. Although I haven’t checked, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that Ms. Dowd does not have testicles. So why was she so quick to acknowledge and accept what I’m guessing she felt was a compliment? I’m pretty sure that bravery, fearlessness, strength, and conviction—all nice attributes to have when kept in check by common sense—are not gender assigned. And I’m positive they are not a function of male genitalia. I’m equally convinced that reluctance, fearfulness, and weakness do not require one to have a vagina.
It’s one thing, a very feeble thing at that, for Imus and his crew or even Jon Stewart and Al Franken for that matter—all professed non-chauvinists—to use male-centric language in an “equal opportunity” way; misguided into believing that somehow they are treating women and men equally.
It is another thing though for Maureen Dowd to acknowledge and welcome her inclusion into the club. She could have simply said, “Imus are you suggesting that I have to be a man to be tough?”
I am sure if asked Maureen Dowd would say without hesitation that she is a feminist or at least a proponent of feminist beliefs. Why then did she let Imus off the hook and indulge in the myth?
Like many things about feminists, I don’t get it. They can be their own worst enemy from time to time—just like Democrats when they run a national campaign.
Here is another example of something I don’t get. Why do some corporate feminists find short tight skirts, plunging necklines and push-up bras to be the business suit of choice? I suppose they might argue, just as strippers might, that they are simply using their power over men to get what they want. And on some level I understand that argument: play into the male need to be the sexual alpha dog as long as the targeted objective is personal gain. This attitude however strikes me as feeding the very stereotyping and sexism women want to end, which leads me into a short discussion of another dilemma I have with feminism. Within the last few years, I have been introduced to the forefront of feminist thought. Well not introduced exactly, more like pummeled. Here is what I have learned. I have something called. “white male privilege”. Essentially, whether I consciously or subconsciously acknowledge that privilege, it doesn’t matter. I have it and I need to “own it”. I’m pretty sure that means I have to fess up to it and wear it like a scarlet letter (although a white penis will do just fine). Believe me! I understand the importance of the concept. The dried blood tracking from my ears is proof positive of the difficulties and hard work it took me to reach that understanding.
But that’s as far as the feminists have taken me. I’m afraid to tell them but it’s like a false crescendo. It can’t be the end of the symphony. Okay, so I “own” white male privilege. What next? There must be more. Am I supposed to give it up someday? Is it like owning an unregistered gun? Will there be a turn-in-your-white-male-privilege amnesty day? I’d be more than happy to if I just knew when, where and to whom? Or come to think of it, maybe not. What takes its place? Or worse, who gets it next? Gee, maybe I should take advantage of it more consciously while I still have it.
Anyway, in the meantime, as I meander aimlessly, I’m going to refrain from saying stuff like, “Hey that Barbara Boxer, she sure has some pouch of brass nuggets on her.” I will also try to be more cognizant of this privilege I have and renounce it at every turn. It’s all I can do until I get further instructions.
You know, I can’t help but think if reincarnation happens, I might want to come back as an earthworm. They have both the male and female sex organs. When they mate they impregnate each other. Everything is “even up”. And the result is that they are a pretty happy bunch. You don’t hear about earthworms having male/female issues. Okay so they have other issues—fish hooks being a big one. But quite frankly, I’m not sure that is any worse; sometimes I think it is a whole lot better.
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If you’ve ever caught someone in the act, then you’ve certainly felt a little warmer in that moment. You thought about being there, and feeling what they were feeling.
Just talking about it makes me all excited.
So when you’re swinging, what about looking at the scenery? Well, that certainly has its place as well.
Opening Your Eyes
When you’re first in a swinging situation, you may feel almost too aroused to do anything but watch. For the first few times I was with my partner, we just looked at the other couple in awe. For one, we were in awe of their openness. And for two, we were excited to see someone else being pleasured.
Just when you think you’re not turned on by something, then you try it and realize, wow, that’s amazing.
I think that many people feel ashamed to say that they like to watch others have sex or touch each other. And why should we? It’s a completely natural act. And how empowering is it to be absolutely comfortable to watch someone else?
Very.
Will The Other Couple Mind?
If it’s just you two and another couple, then you may want to broach the subject ahead of time. And if they say that it’s okay, then you can feel completely comfortable to watch them in action.
You may also feel aroused and follow suit, or pleasure yourself as you watch. Again, clear this with them ahead of time.
Most couples won’t mind if you ask.
And if you’re in a swingers club, it’s almost guaranteed that you’re going to be seen if you start anything, so it’s a free for all for voyeurs.
Remembering to blink may be hard though.
What If We’re Asked To Perform?
Think of being the subject of a fantasy as being in your favourite erotic movie and you are the stars.
Forget about who is watching and let the moment take you and your partner to ecstasy. Pleasure him or her as you normally would. Touch their skin, feel their thighs, slowly tease the sighs out.
If you really want to make an impression, open your eyes and look to the other couple. Let them know how much this turns you on, and how wonderful something feels.
Why Do You Look?
Looking at difference shapes of bodies is intriguing. And in a comfortable setting, you will see that it really isn’t the size that matters, but the confidence of the person.
Women aren’t judged by their weight and men aren’t seen for the length of their penis. Men aren’t counting another man’s abs, and women aren’t considering the bounce of the breasts.
You look because you’re curious, but you continue looking because you can see the beauty in everyone.
In most cases, looking will only satisfy so much and you will want to be the ones looked at. And that is completely natural and enthralling. Knowing that someone is watching you and getting pleasure from it can turn an ordinary moment into an erotic scene.
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Hypertension can wreak havoc on many body organs. Its effects on the heart are especially damaging. High blood pressure and heart disease are closely connected.
Moderate to high blood pressure significantly increases the load on the left side of the heart. Arterioles are often diseased or constricted, which increases resistance to blood flow. When this happens, the heart has to work much more to pump blood into the arterial system including the aorta.
When any muscle is overused, it tends to increase in size and bulk. The heart muscles react the same way. An enlarged heart is a sign of trouble.
Heart enlargement can be detected in several ways. A chest x-ray can reveal it. So can an electrocardiogram or even a physical examination.
In many high blood pressure patients, the walls of the left ventricle thicken. This increases the workload on the heart. Eventually, the heart falters and the left side of the heart no longer pumps blood adequately.
When this happens, major organs and tissues of the body are denied sufficient blood supply. The affected person becomes lethargic and weak.
Because of the higher pressure in the left ventricle, blood from the lungs cannot drain into the top compartment of the heart (the atrium). As a result, the lung tissues get congested which brings on bouts of breathlessness and coughs.
The patient may have a dry cough or even frothy phlegm with blood stains in it. This is a very scary experience to the sufferer and onlookers. In an acute attack, it seems to the patient that he or she is choking to death.
Breathlessness due to heart problems may be first noticed during prolonged physical exertion. If the condition has progressed further, breathlessness may occur even while resting.
This is a serious situation and needs to be tacked immediately. If this damage worsens, the right side of the heart will be affected as well. When pressure builds up in the right atrium, it will be difficult for veins to drain blood into it.
When the heart's condition deteriorates to this stage, the external jugular veins may become enlarged and more prominent. These veins are anyway close to the skin and may be visible even in healthy adults, but stress on the heart can increase their protrusion.
There are several other symptoms of right side heart failure. They include an enlarged liver, swollen ankles and feet, loss of appetite, swollen abdomen and lower urine flow.
High blood pressure and heart disease frequently have a cause and effect relationship. Making necessary lifestyle changes can help combat both.
